Why is it that homeless people abhor the use of crosswalks? On my way to and from campus everyday there is always at least one fool that has to cross the street sans crosswalk when there are cars coming in both directions. Just in case they weren't hard enough to spot, dark clothing is the preferred attire of these rogue roadway hazards. Once in a while you'll find them pushing a shopping cart laden with so much random attachments that they resemble a land-based garbage barge. I think I may have seen one a few days ago that dwarfed a Mini Cooper. Do they disregard the safety of the crosswalks because they are in such a hurry to get where they're going that they have no time to find one? I don't think so. I think it's a combination of lethargy and an underlying hope that if they DO get hit by a car, they may be able to profit from the accident by way of a lawsuit.
Okay, enough ranting for today.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I can't claim credit for this...but it's really funny anyways.
The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women.
Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.
Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)
Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.
Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.
Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.
Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.
Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.
Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.
Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.
Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.
Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.
Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.
Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.
Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.
The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women.
Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.
Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.
Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole fuckin' Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)
Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat ass, small boobs, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.
Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what "precedent" meant.
Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.
Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.
Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing about bullshit. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.
Step 8. Don't be fooled by "Let's stop arguing please." That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like "Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me." Pisses them off. Just trust me.
Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, "Lisa is so much more compassionate than you." Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.
Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from "Office Space" in your head if you must.
Step 11. Bust out, "I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point." Then stop. Leave the argument. It pisses them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is shot to shit. Again, mind games.
Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.
Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.
Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.
Maybe there is some justice after all...the 49ers not only fired that no good SOB Dennis Erickson, but they also let go their GM Donahue (who just happened to be an ex-UCLA coach). http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=1959782
It's been painful to watch my team struggle so much the last two years. I hope John York has some clever moves in line to bring in some smart people to replace those two yahoos. However, York hasn't impressed me so far with anything he's done since he took over ownership. I'll just have to wait and hope.
Thankfully, I've had the Trojans to carry me through these dark days. That game last night was probably the best sports game I've watched in my entire life. I had been so nervous for the past week or so leading up to the Orange Bowl. It started with that circus catch by Byrd and...well, I can't remember it all. There was just too many good things going on in that game. D-Bo's "Byrd Dance" was pretty good too. My throat has been sore all day at work because of the ridiculous screaming and cheering I was doing last night. It was completely worth it though. Happy New Year Trojans!
It's been painful to watch my team struggle so much the last two years. I hope John York has some clever moves in line to bring in some smart people to replace those two yahoos. However, York hasn't impressed me so far with anything he's done since he took over ownership. I'll just have to wait and hope.
Thankfully, I've had the Trojans to carry me through these dark days. That game last night was probably the best sports game I've watched in my entire life. I had been so nervous for the past week or so leading up to the Orange Bowl. It started with that circus catch by Byrd and...well, I can't remember it all. There was just too many good things going on in that game. D-Bo's "Byrd Dance" was pretty good too. My throat has been sore all day at work because of the ridiculous screaming and cheering I was doing last night. It was completely worth it though. Happy New Year Trojans!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Tommorrow is the big game. Eric's getting off early, Dave's leaving work at noon, my office is closing early, and Brian has class. Glad I'm not him. I'm excited for the game, but I'm a bit scared too. Adrian Peterson is frightening as an opponent...I'm just glad he isn't in our conference so we don't have to deal with him for two more years. I'm going to be useless at work tomorrow...
While my roommates were spending New Year's Eve in Las Vegas drinking and gambling, I was standing on a curb in Marina del Rey. I had to work. (hmm, that makes it sound like I'm a prostitute) I was valet parking for a party. So I rang in the new year with my coworkers, Ariana and Claudia, two hispanic women in their mid to late 30's. Really exciting stuff. There was some upside though: a) Marina del Rey has a fireworks show on New Year's Eve, b) I made $57 in tips, and c) it didn't rain on me.
That's it for today. As a parting note, like I told Elina today: If you ever think it's a good idea to ride to work on a motorcycle in a rain storm, I urge to strongly reconsider. Sure, there are things I regret doing a lot more, but that's just the most recent.
Till next time...
While my roommates were spending New Year's Eve in Las Vegas drinking and gambling, I was standing on a curb in Marina del Rey. I had to work. (hmm, that makes it sound like I'm a prostitute) I was valet parking for a party. So I rang in the new year with my coworkers, Ariana and Claudia, two hispanic women in their mid to late 30's. Really exciting stuff. There was some upside though: a) Marina del Rey has a fireworks show on New Year's Eve, b) I made $57 in tips, and c) it didn't rain on me.
That's it for today. As a parting note, like I told Elina today: If you ever think it's a good idea to ride to work on a motorcycle in a rain storm, I urge to strongly reconsider. Sure, there are things I regret doing a lot more, but that's just the most recent.
Till next time...
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